Pulling my chain

A friend of mine posted a comment after I passed my exam that I was rocket scientist kinda smart. Maybe. I might even be smarter than a fifth grader. Maybe. But I am definitely not as smart as a two year old!
The baby is now in with the toddler because my parents have been in town since just before our vacation. The boys seems to be adjusting fairly well. The baby is becoming a deeper sleeper, which is very nice. The toddler seems to like the company...or at least the excuse to stay up later. I've caught him creeping over to the crib to check on The Baby. We've battled over the light for a while but adding the baby has given him all the more reason to get up and turn the light on. I tried to compromise (with a two year old) and leave the light dimmed as we have the circular dimmer knobs. I thought that if he could see the baby from his bed, then the curiosity wouldn't be so strong. But he kept turning the light all the way up.
After several attempts with the back to bed method and a few spankings, I spent over an hour googling light switch covers. I was trying to figure out whether anyone had devised some sort of cover for the entire switch plate or just the knob. Found about one thing and it wouldn't work for our type. I'd already thought about taping the knobs but figured the toddler would just pull it off. My mom suggested it so I gave it a try. That lasted for about 2 seconds.
I even asked a friend if her parents (the supreme grandparents, as they have an ultimate flock of little ones often under their supervision) if they'd ever encountered this problem.
Finally, last night dear hubby suggested the obvious: take out the bulb. DUH!!! Granted it's only taken him a few weeks to suggest it...but the point is, it wasn't my idea.
So I took a step stool into the boys' room and was just about to take off the light cover when EPIPHANY: just pull the chain connected to the light so that it is off and the dimmer knob no longer controls it.
In the words of Carlos Mancea: Dee-Da-Dee!!!
We were out so long this afternoon that the toddler got about a 15 minute nap in the car today and it was any early morning. He actually climbed onto the sofa tonight, pulled the blanket ("bunka") off me and made a "bed" and said nite-nite. He was so exhausted he just fell into his bed. Tonight was not a trial run on whether the light issue will resolve the staying up problem. I guess I will learn tomorrow. I did realize that if I want him to be ready for bed at 8pm it may mean forgoing the nap. But I am totally not ready to give up the time during the day. I just can't handle the two of them for 13 hours a day with no break. Can we start a Moms Union? Am I covered by the AFL-CIO? Don't I get mandatory breaks after a certain amount of hours of work? Oh wait, indentured servants don't get to join labor parties! So I think I will be limiting his naps to only about an hour and half. Cross your fingers for me!
Cross them that the sleep issues are resolving. Cross them that I might catch up to my toddler's level of intelligence. But let me tell you, after watching him with his new toys and his mechanical ability at 30 months old, there isn't much hope!

Poop Happens A Lot In this House

One of the nice things about having my parents around is that I can actually do things during nap time that don't require me being in the house with the kids. Instead of only doing housework, homework, working out on the elliptical, or catching up on my DVR, I am able to go for a run or go to the store alone! SO NICE! Being an only child, I really CRAVE some time alone. I just NEED to be by myself sometimes. I've always been that way.
Today, I needed to go to the commissary so I put the boys down for their nap and took off. The toddler waits until a pull up is put on him and then does his dirty deed. I usually know that he needs to be changed because he doesn't settle down to sleep right away. I go in, clean him up, either put underroos back on or a fresh pull up on and he zonks out. But I didn't wait around today. I turned the monitor on for my mom and told her that the baby would cry it out and then settle down. Apparently, the monitor got quiet but she could still hear the baby.
It should be noted, that the boys now share a room. My parents are in the third bedroom and since my dad will be staying on to watch the boys for me while I do my student teaching this spring, we moved the baby in with the toddler. The cruise was warm up for room sharing.
Anyway, back to today. My mom went up to check on them and could hear someone bouncing.
She went in and discovered the toddler standing up, laughing in the crib with the baby sitting up, next to him, laughing. WITH POOP ALL OVER THE FLOOR! He'd turned off the monitor transmitter (which I'd "hid" underneath the crib to try to prevent this from happening).
The toddler had taken off his pull up and left several deposits between the daybed and the crib.
My mom got the toddler cleaned up and into bed (with no pants or pull up on) and the baby fell asleep in her arms downstairs.
Tonight, I have already been in at least six times to settle the toddler down. I've already had to pull the toddler out of the crib. I've taken out all the toys that tempt him. The baby is asleep but the toddler doesn't want to settle. I've left the light on low (thank heavens for dimmers) because he keeps getting up to turn on the light and look at the baby. I've told him that the baby will be there when he gets up just like he has been during nap time (well at least he was yesterday since there wasn't a poop problem).
The little incident meant that the toddler didn't go down until almost 3 pm and slept until 5pm. So we didn't go to the kiddy gym which meant that he didn't run around enough to wear him out. It's a domino effect. It's now almost 10:30 and he's just settled down about 20 minutes ago. I know it comes from him just not being tired enough to fall asleep right away. But I just can't handle him being up that late. I need the quiet. He needs the quiet even if he's not asleep. And I just don't believe in children being up that late. Period. But it's a bit self-defeating b/c I am still dealing with it, he isn't quiet, I don't get the quiet, and he is still up this late.
The toddler definitely has a stubborn bone that runs the length of him. When he gets a burr up his bottom, there is no appeasing him. The back to bed method is being used frequently (plus some spankings-I admit it. But we all know I struggle with this method). Fortunately, the baby is so exhausted at night that he's actually sleeping deeply enough to not be woken up with the toddler's antics. Hopefully, a week will be enough to get the toddler settled into this new routine. That's about how long it took before the vacation to get him to fall asleep in his bed again (instead of the floor).
If I accomplish this, does this count as my first miracle? Can I count it towards sainthood? Oh wait, I probably would need to cut down the swearing (see the post below) and not be so judgmental (see the post below) and like other people more (see the post below)!
Anyway, that book is right. Everyone Poops.

Yet another example of just b/c you can procreate doesn't mean you should

As many of you know, my parents took the six of us (the two of them, the hubby, the kids and me) on a cruise to Mexico last week. My mom and I looked at various options and I felt that five days was as long as I could manage four people in a cabin and having the kids off their routine.
The cruise itself is a whole other post that may or may not happen depending on if and when I recover! Look to the other site in a couple days for some nice pics though.
When we boarded we had to do the obligatory safety drill which involved putting on our life jackets, going to our muster station and then standing on the deck near our life boats.
There was a woman there with her teenage son and twin tween daughters. She would not SHUT THE EFF UP while on the deck. She had a glass of wine that she sloshed as much on to the deck as into her mouth. I know that we were on vacation but do you really need to drink that badly that you couldn't put your drink down for 30 minutes to do the damn drill? How pathetic. And it wasn't like she was just talking quietly to the person next to her. Oh no, she was broadcasting for the whole known world. Really. Shut. The. Eff. Up. Lady.
The next day, I discovered that she was staying just a few cabins down from us, so basically in between my cabin and my parents'.
I had the baby in the snugli and the toddler by the hand and was trying to squeeze through the passageway. She was in the hall with her tweens, a security guard, some young woman, and a sobbing 10ish year old boy. Something about him losing his brother(s) or something. Anyway, I said excuse me at least three times to try to get past one of her girls. I didn't want to bump past her and then have Drunk Tank yell at me for knocking her kid around. Finally, she said "well just go" and I said "I would if you'd move."
Just as I slide the key into the door, I hear "someone needs a drink." I swear to holy heaven if I hadn't had my kids with me and she didn't have hers I would have said, "not everyone needs to be drunk to deal with their kids." Even at two and a half and eight months, that's not the example I want to set. But I swear, what a big bag of ass.
I later saw her lounging by the pool. Her top was not completely covering all the necessary space. And she had a tat poking out of her bottom and a tat around her belly button. Personally, I don't care for tats. Some are beautiful pieces of art but they're just not for me. Most of my friends have tats (many of which were the result of drunken college nights or from being in the military). But she was in her early 40s. She was not in college (if ever) during that craze. This is clearly someone who is trying to recapture a youth that she didn't have cause she probably got knocked up too young (aren't I a lovely shade of judgemental?). Anyway, the tats just didn't strike me as particularly maternal etchings. Shoulda figured.
Who knows, maybe she really actually is a good mom. But I doubt it. Because on the day of debarkation I heard her nagging her teenage son about getting in the shower and getting ready to go. That it wasn't necessary to lounge for 30 minutes upon awaking and prior to getting in to the shower.
Seeing as how we were supposed to be out of the cabins by 8:30 that morning, I planned ahead and had our stuff ready to go, clothes laid out, yada yada. Now with two small kids, I know it's easier to control their actions. But last I checked, she was supposed to be in charge and in control. Why'd she let her son lounge for 30 minutes? Easy for me to speak now since mine are years away from being teenagers. But I'm already instilling in them that when I say something, I expect to be listened to. And I expect it to be done the first time I say something. Lay the foundation now, have a sturdy structure later. Maybe she was too busy drinking when her son was little and she didn't quite get around to raising him.
So as I said before, just because you can procreate doesn't mean you should. If you're not prepared to be a parent everyday for the rest of your life, DON'T HAVE KIDS. It's a full time job that has no time clock. There is no punching off a shift once you become a parent. It's FOREVER.
Everyone needs a vacation and I like a glass (or two or three) of wine just like the next adult. But I don't drink around my kids. I also know that my kids don't care how I feel the next morning and that I'm chiefly responsible for them no matter what I did the night before. This means that drinking holds little appeal to me. And it's a sad sign if she's drinking to escape her kids. I can understand drinking to escape other things, but when you're the single parent of the kids with you, then what do you have to escape but them? And who else is going to be looking out for them while you "party like a rockstar"--her goal one afternoon?
So what happens when your kids grow up before you do? What happens when they out mature you? You end up like this woman.

You'd think she would have caught on by now

We joined the little kiddy gym near us. I spotted it when we moved here over a year ago but never made the effort to go in. First I thought that my toddler was too young; then I thought it was too much of a frivolous expense; finally, I thought that my toddler wouldn't be able to handle the structure. But we've joined open gym and go almost five days a week after nap time.
We're starting to recognize the "regulars" and they recognize us.
Today there was a mommy with a very small toddler--not young, small. I knew I knew her from somewhere but I couldn't place it. Until. Until she started goochey-gooing over my baby. She then tried to get her toddler to come over and look at him. Snap! I knew where I knew her from. A couple months ago, the boys and I met up with the toddler's BFF and her mom at the tot lot in the mall. This woman and her son were there and she was just as in our face there as she was today. GROAN! CRAP! Now I'm going to have to deal with her at my gym.
They had a Johnny Jumper out and I let the baby play in it today. Having a Jumperoo, the baby knew exactly what to do and since I was able to sit next to him, I wasn't worried that he would spiral around and choke himself. This lady sat down next to me and kept repeating OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER...about how he had mastered it and how much fun he was having. I don't know how many times I explained to her that he had a Jumperoo at home and was very familiar with the concept. And I explained at least twice that it was not a swing but a Johnny Jumper (for those who may not know, it's a suspended seat on a spring that allow the baby to bounce. I think we all know how a swing works). I didn't know at this point how old her son was, but come on---it doesn't look like a damn swing---unless you put your baby in a tire swing!
Earlier, I'd heard her tell a mom not to worry about her kid being too rough with her son because he hits, kicks, and scratches her all the time. This deserves a full out-WHAT THE MOTHER TRUCKER?! Since when is that in any way possibly okay. Since when does a toddler get to abuse their parent---on a regular basis? HOLY M-F, my kid wouldn't know night from day if he tried that. But then again, in no possible realm of reality would my children be in a position to even contemplate it being okay let alone doing it. I knew then she was a special kind of stupid.
Then the whole repetition about the jumper confirmed it. She even asked if she could put her son in it! I told her NO! He's way too big and too old. The point of a jumper, or swing, or bouncy seat is to entertain and exercise a nonstanding/non mobile child! So why would her child who is running around need or want to be in a jumper? Crazy woman!
At this point, I started paying more attention to their dynamic. She kept calling him over to try to get him to give her a hug. Except it was always just as he got engaged in a new toy or activity. He just flat out ignored her. When she was sitting next to me, he was generally across the gym. When she moved over there, he was near me. Whether he did it on purpose or not, I'll never know but he clearly didn't want to be around her. (Can't say as I blame him.) And she used this annoying baby voice, "Evan, my baby come here. Come to Mommy". It was clear that she has not figured out that she's the mom of a toddler not an infant. And therein lays the problems!
Then I found out while talking to another mom that her son is 25 months old! OMG!! I totally thought he was somewhere between 18-22 months. Not over two years old! She was talking to this mom because they are both still nursing 25 month olds!
As most of you know, I am a huge proponent of long term nursing. I think that it's nutritionally wise, it's great bonding, and just all around a good thing. If you can, do. It's not for everyone but good on you if you can or want to. BUT--if your child is old enough to crawl into your lap, interrupt a conversation, and start massaging your chest to let you know that they want to nurse, that's a bit old for me. I think that if your child is autonomous enough to demonstrate that want, they are autonomous enough to eat and drink on their own. This is just opinion, rightly or wrongly.
Well "crazy lady" says she still nurses 4-6 times a day! By the time I weaned the toddler at 14 months, we were down to only 3 times a day. What the hell, lady? Seriously. HE'S NOT A BABY ANYMORE! You would think she'd catch on by now!
I don't cuddle any less with my toddler now that he's weaned than I did when he nursed. We have any extremely affectionate relationship because we've found other things to do to bond. So will she be popping into his preK or kindergarten class to give him a quick fix? Will they be potty training when he's in second grade? Will she have the bottom bunk in his college dorm room? I thought they cut the cord when he was born. I see a Monster-In-Law waiting to happen.
As an experienced substitute teacher and a future full time teacher, I can already see what type of kid this one is going to be. OY VEY!!
Catch a frigging clue lady! Before you scar this kid for life. He's not a baby any more!
The evenings with them at the gym are going to be long ones....OY VEY!!

Holy Mother Trucker!!!

I PASSED!!!!
I sat for my Social Science CSET exams on November 3. They're required exams to show that I have enough content knowledge to teach and I had to take them before being able to step into the classroom for my student teaching.
I've been sweating bullets about this. If I didn't pass, then I wouldn't be able to student teach in Jan, which would mean no license by the time hubby gets out of the military. No license means no job. I would have had to wait till Sept to student teach and in the mean time pass the exam.

BUT HOLY MOTHER TRUCKER! I PASSED!!!
I was supposed to be able to find out at 5pm on Dec 3. Around 3 I decided to try and log onto the website and see if I could find out early. I needed to look in my email for my examinee ID. Low and behold, there were three emails with my unofficial scores. I was so prepared to see FAIL on each, or at least one. (You have to pass all three exams in one sitting, so if I failed one, I'd have to retake all three). And as I scrolled through each one, they said," status:PASS"!!!!
I didn't know if I wanted to cry, pee my pants, do back flips, throw up, or just pass out.

The only annoying thing is that if you pass, they don't tell you your score. You only get that if you fail. I want to know if it was by a landslide or just eeked out!

But either way! I PASSED!!! I will be student teaching in January. I just found out that I have been placed at a high school near here (not the one I had wanted but oh well). I start in just under a month!
YEAH!!! Such a relief!!!!

Some people deserve their pathetic jobs

A couple of weeks ago, a couple of my mommy friends and I, along with our respective kids went out to lunch at a sit-down, national chain restaurant. I suggested the restaurant b/c I had a gift card that I wanted to use.
One friend was running a bit late, but my other friend and I got settled, got some drinks and ordered an appetizer. That was to be about the last time we saw our waitress. Our appetizer arrived just as our friend did. But our appetizer was missing chips, we had no silverware and my toddler's food arrived too.
By the time our main courses arrived, my toddler had already chowed through his entire meal, my baby had eaten and gone through most of his toys. Again things were missing, such as my friend's side of honey-mustard. I asked for a knife and was given a meat cleaver. Who brings a knife that big to a table with four kids?!
When it was time to pay, I asked to see the manager who took her sweetass time to come over. I tried to play it off a bit and said we knew we had a bigger party and that one person was late but in the mean time we'd seen a couple arrive, get served, eat, pay, and leave while we waited. Could she perhaps tell the waitress to move things along in future? And if this is the way it was going to be, then in future we'd just go down the road to their competitor.
I see the manager and waitress talk and I got them to comp the appetizer. But does the manager come back to explain the situation? No. The waitress takes my gift card and gives the receipt to me and it looks as though I still owe a balance. The waitress never comes back so I had to flag down a different waitress to explain it to me. Had our waitress come back, she would have gotten a tip b/c I would have told her to add it to my balance since I didn't have cash. But she never came back...Neither did the manager.
As I walked out I asked if they were corporate or franchise. Corporate. So when I get around to writing to Victoria's Secret about nursing bras, I'll write to this restaurant. I told them I would write and both the manager and waitress gave me snarky responses.

I wanted to turn around and say, "With that attitude and work ethic, it's no small wonder you work here."
I've worked in food service before and I know two things: be nice to customers if you want to make money and sometimes it sucks to serve other people.
If I'd been rude or nasty, I could understand the snarkiness. But with four kids at the table, it was insane that it took over an hour to have lunch. Come on! Did they really want to hear three of the four fussing? I would have thought that would make them hurry things along.
I even tried to ease the tension by admitting that we were a larger party and one person was a little late. But no, some people just deserve their pathetic jobs.
It's not like this is a five star restaurant that takes specific culinary training. This isn't a serve to the left, clear from the right kind of place. This isn't a knife and fork for each course kind of place. It's a bottomless bucket of chips kind of place. And there probably is the explanation for why I shouldn't expect much.
But really, if either the waitress or manager had more to offer (in their 20s and 30s), they'd have better jobs by now.
I just rest assured that they'll get theirs...

Things not to say in a crowded elevator.

***TRUE STORY***THIS IS NOT A FUNNY FORWARD***Though it should be!

Two women get into a crowded elevator, one's carrying a sleeping baby. After the lady with the baby gets jostled like she's just carrying a sack of potatoes, a few more people force their way in and the warning bell starts going off and the doors can't close. No one steps off. The other lady turns red and mutters, "Oh God, we're all going to die."
Across the elevator comes a "MOMMY!" and "Don't worry honey, the nice lady was only joking. See she's laughing."
All the friend with the baby can say is, "And you're a mom. A mom of a two year old." The other friend is a very interesting shade of fuschia.

A very long ride...