Some days just Suck

On Monday, the boys and I saw off hubby's good friend who has just deployed for seven months (hopefully no extensions) to do a non-combat deployment. Hubby wasn't able to leave work but the boys and I really wanted to make sure that there was someone there to say goodbye and so that his girlfriend wouldn't be standing there alone.
Initially, I didn't think I would get that emotional. I knew it was sad but I felt very detached as he's not my friend so much as he is my husband's (even though he's often at the house just as much if not more than hubby) and I wasn't the one saying good bye to a significant other. But as I looked around and watched the faces of the women being left behind, I was touched by how well they were all holding it together and that made me sad.
I don't know what was worst the wife with the toddler and baby who was standing by herself or the pregnant wife with a toddler who obviously would be delivering without her husband there to meet the baby. Or maybe it was the dad who almost smacked his hand on the cement archway that covers the ramp the amphibious assault vehicles go down because he was waving goodbye to his son until the absolute last minute. Or maybe it was the Marine who adamantly pointed to his wife/fiancee and mouthed "I love you" as if to make sure she knew that no only did he feel that way but that he was just doing his job and he'd much rather go home with her.
Or maybe it was our friend's girlfriend who had to drive home to LA alone and return to being a doctor with no support that the wives receive. No one will be calling her to check on her, no one will be including her in holiday activities, and god forbid something happens to our friend, she won't be the one receiving the call or benefits because they're just dating. This was a significant reason for why hubby and I got engaged when we did. After the first deployment and the several scares that the noncombat deployment would become a peacemaking mission between the Koreas or India/ Pakistan, we decided that we did want to get married and soon. Just in case something happened to him, I'd be taken care of or at least consulted in some of the decisions.

Some days just suck.

How about my friend whose husband will be home for their daughter's second birthday but will miss Christmas...again because his orders just got bummed forward a few weeks. Or my other friend who is hoping that her daughter doesn't decide to make her arrival while her husband is away on training but hopes it's before he deploys. Or maybe it's my friend who still isn't sure where her husband will be stationed three months from now with the possibility that he may only be with their daughter a cumulative nine months out of three years. Or maybe it's my friend whose daughter will be about six weeks old when she meets her daddy during Thanksgiving.
I realized that there is no way to quantify who has it worst. There just isn't. Because for that person in that moment of leaving or being left, this is their reality and only theirs, so for them they each have it the worst.

Some days just suck.

Things I learned while I was supposed to be studying

For the past week, I've been going to Barnes and Noble to study and I learned a few things, or at least realized them, while I was supposed to be studying.
1. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy curling up in a wing back chair to read at a coffee shop. I'd forgotten how nice it is to study without someone crawling on me or having to constantly check the baby monitor. It would have been really nice to just chill there with someone to chat with.
2. Mutton dressed up as lamb just doesn't work. There was a woman there the first night I went. I soon realized that she's a regular there. From what I gathered, she must have worked there at some point because she seemed to know the entire staff and all the other regulars--hmm, "regulars" at night at a coffee shop in a bookstore that's part of a large chain (both the coffee shop and the bookstore) but I'll get to that in a moment. This lady must have been in her fifties and painfully single. The first night she was in black trousers, a black TUBE top, and a black blouse over it. This is what the British call mutton dressed up as lamb--something old trying to look young. She was talking to another much younger (as in younger than me by a lot) girl about dating and how she was wondering why this man hadn't called her. And all I could think was that I am SO glad that I'm not single anymore. I like my rut--it's been hollowed out of the past four years and reflects my very comfy life. I certainly wouldn't want to be in her position of being middle aged and still trying to interpret dating etiquette---or worse getting advice (bad at that) from a chick half her age. SERIOUSLY!
3. The huddled unwashed masses seem to like to congregate at places like this. These cliques are still espousing the same crap they were when my peers belonged to this category. Ironically, these anti-establishment fools are keeping the Man going by hanging out at a Starbucks in a Barnes and Noble. Anyone else see the irony? These kids, and I use that word both accurately and derogatorily, are either in college or are too "smart" to be in college. As in didn't do well enough in high school to get in anywhere but still think they are smarter than everyone else. They of course are so well versed that they are able to solve the world's problems while drinking their venti frappo whosey-whatsits and wishing that the professional career diplomats could have the common sense that their still living at home with mommy and daddy minds have easily produced. This new intelligentsia is just as naive as the ones from my generation and as a result are just as annoying to me. I get that it's part of the whole cognitive development of identifying their own identity but really, couldn't they do it somewhere so much less public. Go back to your basement and pick up your game of dungeons and dragons and leave the ruling of the world to those of us who buy our own big girl and boy panties. Oh and a shower wouldn't go amiss.
3. After the better part of almost 10 years around the Marine Corps, any man wearing a moss green t-shirt out in public looks like he's wearing an undershirt. It just looks odd to me. Incidentally, when my two year old son wears a green shirt out, he's Handy Manny.
4. No Marine, scratch that-- no man other than Fraser or Niles Crane, should ever order a coffee with more than one word to its name. It just isn't right.
5. After almost 30 years of watching my dad drink espressos, I learned that they come in decaf. Doesn't that sort of defeat the point? It's kind of like me ordering a super size double quarter pounder with cheese meal with a diet coke. Why bother?
6. If you tell a joke and it falls flat, don't beat it like a dead horse. I order a venti chai latte (I'm a chick, therefore it can have as many words as I want) and the barista (that's being flattering since it's just Starbucks in B &N) thought he was so funny telling me that it would be $50. I just looked at him. He tried to keep the joke going but I said, "No, it's $3.85". His response was something along the lines of how surprising it is that I'm literate since this is CA. Ironic--I'm there studying to become a teacher in CA and I'm not from here. Just let it go. Even John Leno knows when it falls flat and moves on.
7. This brings me to my final point- a venti anything is just a lot of hot liquid to imbibe at once. Especially when I've added six splendas to it. Since I was consuming these while pursuing an educational activity, can they be tax deductible?

It definitely felt weird to be home tonight with nothing to study. I don't know which part was more odd--to be home or to not be studying. Either way, it's nice to be in my rut, or rather my recliner, again. I crock potted a roast, gave the boys a bath, and caught up on my very full DVR.
Home sweet home.

Now that it's done

I know I've been MIA for the past week or so but that's because I've been studying for my ridiculous content area exam for my license.
Let me just break down how important and how stressful this chain of events is so that you get the full depth and breadth of understanding.
This exam covers world history and geography as one subtest, US history and geography as a second subtest, and CA history, econ, and civics as a third subtest. The first two have 39 questions and 3 short responses; the third test has 40 multiple choice questions and 3 short responses.
If I pass then I get to do my student teaching in January which means that 12 weeks later I will be eligible for my license and can get a teaching job in CA.
If I don't pass, then I won't be able to do my student teaching until Sept. That's assuming that sometime before Sept, I pass this exam.
If I don't student teach in Jan., then there is a possibility that I'll need to take a different state's exam b/c we may not even live here in Sept (remember, hubby is getting out of the Corps in July). I don't even know where I would need to be placed in Sept since I don't know where we'll live.
If I don't student teach in Jan, then I won't be eligible for a license and I won't be able to teach once we get out. I may be the primary bread winner for a while and that stresses me out! Especially since I may not be in a position to do that!
That's just a lot of "if"s but this is what I'm dealing with these days.
But it's over now. And I only feel so-so about it. But either I passed or I didn't so there isn't a damn thing I can do about it so I'm just going to wait until Dec 3 when I get my score to figure out what the next step will be.
It is what it is...