Onward Christian Soldiers...

Marching off to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before...
This was the verse of a hymn that my mom used to sing to me (along with Rule Britannia and What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor---ecletic mix, huh).
And I couldn't help but think of it on Saturday morning (not just b/c it's part of my repitoire w/ the boys) while I was at a military support brunch hosted by a local church.
It's fairly common around here for churches to host these brunches or dinners, usually for wives. They have great food, an inspirational speaker, some door prizes, and they serve as a chance to mingle with other women who live a similar lifestyle.
This particular one was just interesting. It was not quite what I had anticipated.
Let me preface my story by giving a little perspective. I am part of a small and select order---cradle Episcopalians (or Anglicans, as I prefer). There are not that many people who are raised as Episcopalians. Most come to the denomination when they leave Catholicism or Lutherism or other sects. We're a very traditional denomination and are kissing cousins to Catholics. High churches use incense and do solomn sung masses. I also tell friends that the reason that I like it so much is b/c I've always loved tradition, pomp and circumstance and so if I going to do church I want to DO church.
As a result, I really am very uncomfortable with liberal churches. And by that I mean any type of hand holding or raised arms. Exchanging the peace is almost too much interaction for me. Three handshakes and I'm ready to sit down. I think adding a guitar or any type of percussion is just out of control! I just can't handle it. So needless to say, some of the more modern churches leave me wanting to run---far---fast.
I also don't get the whole nondenominal thing. And I've spoken to a friend who was a Seminarian about this along with friends who are nondenominational. If the definition of a denomination is a group of people who gather together in agreement to practice certain aspects of a faith with a certain liturgy of service then how can you not really be a denomination? Doesn't that mean that nondenomination is in fact a denomination? I think so. So either they're a denomination or they're just confused...But that's just me. If you are nondenominational, cool. I just don't get it.
So anyway. I went to this thing on Saturday and I'd called for directions and to reserve my spot. I was told that it was located in an industrial park. I just thought that meant that the building was surrounded by an industrial park. Uh no. It's actually the industrial park. It must be a huge church because they have rooms in several buildings and enough room to break up their Sunday school into several age groups that have huge rooms. But nonetheless, it just was so odd to me. I mean, a church isn't a church if it doesn't have a steeple and a bell.
The food was very nice and they had pancakes being made to order. We sat down and the speakers were three couples who have managed marriage and deployments. There was a moderator who asked questions and the panel just gave their perspectives.
All was going pretty well and then the evangelism began. I am SO NOT comfortable with evangelism. I completely understand that it is an integral part of Christianity and of any church. But I just have a hard time swallowing religion worn on one's sleeve. Last I checked, the Crusades ended a few thousand years ago. Don't convert me! I believe faith to be an intensely private affair. I'll talk about mine if asked but I really don't offer much about it. Each unto their own. I think it comes from being raised in a tri-cultural/bi-religious family.
When they began talking about giving oneself up to Christ and the scriptures stating that a woman should be a submissive wife to a Godly husband. I got kind of uncomfortable.
And it gave me pause to think about why I was uncomfortable. As I said, I'm not comfortable with evangelism. But I think the reason why I'm not is not because I don't agree with that lifestyle but it's a latent sense of guilt that I'm not living that life. And I haven't made enough of an effort to do it. I go to church most Sundays of the month. I take the boys with me. I used to say my nightly prayers. I've partaken in most of the sacraments, yada yada. But as for my day to day life, I know that I'm falling short. I know I am.
And so when I hear about those people who have and do make the effort, I seem to respond with some contempt or disdain as a way to cover up my shortcomings. Cut them down to make myself feel better. How old am I?
Ironically, the sermon at my church the next day was about giving one's self over to Christ. But the sermon was delivered at a much more analytical, cerebral, and albeit humorous level. And it just resonated more. My priest, well one of them, is about as much of a hippy as you can get within the Episcopal church. He has a son named River and a daughter named Eden. And I always have to stifle a giggle when I remember that he surfs--I always can't stop but picture him (and he's a big guy--over 6 feet and a sturdy midwesterner) on his board with a dog collar on... His sermon began with an analogy. He said that if the disciples had a theme song, it would probably be the Stone's "Can't Get No Satisfaction". As in no matter what they did they just couldn't quite get it. That until one turns their life over to Christ, there is no satisfaction. He then went on to speak about how Jesus is not politically correct but religiously correct. And how everyone is a slave--either to themselves and their vices or to God. Long story short, same message as Saturday but totally different delivery. I left feeling uplifted and wonderful. Just b/c of the presentation. Go figure.
Moving on...
What's really interesting is that, in the past 10 years or so, most of my closest friends have all come from a very strong religious background. It seems like most of them are just nicer people for it. Perhaps it's an ability to forgive and to love their neighbors as themselves. Perhaps they have a better understanding of Jesus' work. I've thought now for a while that had I a stronger religious education, maybe I would be--well--nicer. And certainly more patient. Whatever the reason, I'm drawn.
None of my friends, however, wear their religion on their sleeves. It's not something that I find out about within the first five minutes of meeting them. My friend who was the Seminarian doesn't feel the need to drop that into every conversation. The only reason that I know is because we've discussed our educational backgrounds and she was in graduate school when she met her husband. When we traded the stories of how we met our husbands, that came out. Otherwise, I'd probably be none the wiser.
What is it about some people that makes them feel the need to blurt out their religion immediately? As though it's game day and you get a bye straight to heaven just because you're batting for team Christian. I find it interesting when I hear people chat and they say something along the lines of "oh I met so and so the other day. She's a Christian too so we blah blah blah..." As though being tagged as a Christian instantly makes you destined to be soul mates.
Incidentally, I by no means think that this is a unique feature of Christianity. I grew up in a predominantly Jewish area and my friends joked that they had Jewdar---kinda like gaydar but for other Jews.
But there is just something in the tone of these Christian declarations that gets to me. Christian is such a broad grouping. It means you believe in Christ. But I know as an Anglican, I have little in common with a Pentecostal or a Jehovah's Witness or even a Methodist. That's why there are so many denominations. It's the uniqueness of each sect that makes religious history and theology so interesting to me. And I just love it when people don't realize that Catholicism falls into Christianity. Last I checked, it's kinda like the uber Christian. If anyone loves themselves some Christ, it's them.
***And I pause now to reflect on the fact that this entire thesis is probably totally sacrilegious and I'll probably going to be doing penance for a while.***
Onward I chug regardless.
At the end of the brunch, they announced that this will be a monthly ministry. The first Sunday of the month will be a military support brunch. Part of me if very intrigued--the part that is a Marine Corps wife. The other part of me---the stand offish Anglican-- is a little nervous about going. Am I hypocrite for wanting to go but not wanting to deal with evangelism since I know that will be the crux? Am I setting myself up for failure by going to something that will by its and my nature lead me to some rather unChristian thoughts? When will I stop praying every Sunday to have the wisdom and strength to live a Christian life and actually start doing it? When will I stop trying to forge my own path and instead walk in the footprints already laid out for me?